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"It is with considerable difficulty that I remember the
original era of my being: all the events of that period appear
confused and indistinct. A strange multiplicity of sensations
seized me, and I saw, felt, heard, and smelt, at the same time;
and it was, indeed, a long time before I learned to distinguish
between the operations of my various senses. By degrees, I
remember, a stronger light pressed upon my nerves, so that I
was obliged to shut my eyes. Darkness then came over me, and
troubled me; but hardly had I felt this, when, by opening my
eyes, as I now suppose, the light poured in upon me again.
I walked, and, I believe, descended; but I presently found a
great alteration in my sensations. Before, dark and opaque
bodies had surrounded me, impervious to my touch or sight; but
I now found that I could wander on at liberty, with no
obstacles which I could not either surmount or avoid.
The light became more and more oppressive to me; and, the heat
wearying me as I walked, I sought a place where I could receive
shade. This was the forest near Ingolstadt; and here I lay by
the side of a brook resting from my fatigue, until I felt
tormented by hunger and thirst. This roused me from my nearly
dormant state, and I ate some berries which I found hanging on
the trees, or lying on the ground. I slaked my thirst at the
brook; and then lying down, was overcome by sleep.
"It was dark when I awoke; I felt cold also, and half-frightened,
as it were instinctively, finding myself so desolate. Before I
had quitted your apartment, on a sensation of cold, I had covered
myself with some clothes; but these were insufficient to secure me
from the dews of night. I was a poor, helpless, miserable wretch;
I knew, and could distinguish, nothing; but feeling pain invade me
on all sides, I sat down and wept.
"Soon a gentle light stole over the heavens, and gave me a
sensation of pleasure. I started up, and beheld a radiant form
rise from among the trees.[1] I gazed with a kind of wonder.
It moved slowly, but it enlightened my path; and I again went
out in search of berries. I was still cold, when under one of
the trees I found a huge cloak, with which I covered myself,
and sat down upon the ground. No distinct ideas occupied my
mind; all was confused. I felt light, and hunger, and thirst,
and darkness; innumerable sounds rung in my ears, and on all
sides various scents saluted me: the only object that I could
distinguish was the bright moon, and I fixed my eyes on that
with pleasure.
[1] The moon.
"Several changes of day and night passed, and the orb of night
had greatly lessened, when I began to distinguish my sensations
from each other. I gradually saw plainly the clear stream that
supplied me with drink, and the trees that shaded me with their
foliage. I was delighted when I first discovered that a
pleasant sound, which often saluted my ears, proceeded from the
throats of the little winged animals who had often intercepted
the light from my eyes. I began also to observe, with greater
accuracy, the forms that surrrounded me, and to perceive the
boundaries of the radiant roof of light which canopied me.
Sometimes I tried to imitate the pleasant songs of the birds,
but was unable. Sometimes I wished to express my sensations in
my own mode, but the uncouth and inarticulate sounds which
broke from me frightened me into silence again.
"The moon had disappeared from the night, and again, with a
lessened form, showed itself, while I still remained in the
forest. My sensations had, by this time, become distinct, and
my mind received every day additional ideas. My eyes became
accustomed to the light, and to perceive objects in their right
forms; I distinguished the insect from the herb, and, by
degrees, one herb from another. I found that the sparrow
uttered none but harsh notes, whilst those of the blackbird and
thrush were sweet and enticing.
"One day, when I was oppressed by cold, I found a fire which
had been left by some wandering beggars, and was overcome with
delight at the warmth I experienced from it. In my joy I
thrust my hand into the live embers, but quickly drew it out
again with a cry of pain. How strange, I thought, that the
same cause should produce such opposite effects! I examined the
materials of the fire, and to my joy found it to be composed
of wood. I quickly collected some branches; but they were wet,
and would not burn. I was pained at this, and sat still
watching the operation of the fire. The wet wood which I had
placed near the heat dried, and itself became inflamed.
I reflected on this; and, by touching the various branches, I
discovered the cause, and busied myself in collecting a great
quantity of wood, that I might dry it, and have a plentiful
supply of fire. When night came on, and brought sleep with it,
I was in the greatest fear lest my fire should be extinguished.
I covered it carefully with dry wood and leaves, and placed wet
branches upon it; and then, spreading my cloak, I lay on the
ground, and sunk into sleep.
"It was morning when I awoke, and my first care was to visit
the fire. I uncovered it, and a gentle breeze quickly fanned
it into a flame. I observed this also, and contrived a fan of
branches, which roused the embers when they were nearly
extinguished. When night came again, I found, with pleasure,
that the fire gave light as well as heat; and that the
discovery of this element was useful to me in my food; for I
found some of the offals that the travellers had left had been
roasted, and tasted much more savoury than the berries I
gathered from the trees. I tried, therefore, to dress my food
in the same manner, placing it on the live embers. I found
that the berries were spoiled by this operation, and the nuts
and roots much improved.
"Food, however, became scarce; and I often spent the whole day
searching in vain for a few acorns to assuage the pangs of
hunger. When I found this, I resolved to quit the place that
I had hitherto inhabited, to seek for one where the few wants
I experienced would be more easily satisfied. In this
emigration, I exceedingly lamented the loss of the fire which
I had obtained through accident, and knew not how to reproduce it.
I gave several hours to the serious consideration of this
difficulty; but I was obliged to relinquish all attempt to
supply it; and, wrapping myself up in my cloak, I struck across
the wood towards the setting sun. I passed three days in these
rambles, and at length discovered the open country. A great
fall of snow had taken place the night before, and the fields
were of one uniform white; the appearance was disconsolate, and
I found my feet chilled by the cold damp substance that covered
the ground.
"It was about seven in the morning, and I longed to obtain food
and shelter; at length I perceived a small hut, on a rising
ground, which had doubtless been built for the convenience of
some shepherd. This was a new sight to me; and I examined the
structure with great curiosity. Finding the door open, I entered.
An old man sat in it, near a fire, over which he was
preparing his breakfast. He turned on hearing a noise; and,
perceiving me, shrieked loudly, and, quitting the hut, ran
across the fields with a speed of which his debilitated form
hardly appeared capable. His appearance, different from any I
had ever before seen, and his flight, somewhat surprised me.
But I was enchanted by the appearance of the hut: here the snow
and rain could not penetrate; the ground was dry; and it
presented to me then as exquisite and divine a retreat as
Pandaemonium appeared to the daemons of hell after their
sufferings in the lake of fire. I greedily devoured the
remnants of the shepherd's breakfast, which consisted of bread,
cheese, milk, and wine; the latter, however, I did not like.
Then, overcome by fatigue, I lay down among some straw, and
fell asleep.
"It was noon when I awoke; and, allured by the warmth of the
sun, which shone brightly on the white ground, I determined to
recommence my travels; and, depositing the remains of the
peasant's breakfast in a wallet I found, I proceeded across the
fields for several hours, until at sunset I arrived at a village.
How miraculous did this appear! the huts, the neater
cottages, and stately houses, engaged my admiration by turns.
The vegetables in the gardens, the milk and cheese that I saw
placed at the windows of some of the cottages, allured my
appetite. One of the best of these I entered; but I had hardly
placed my foot within the door, before the children shrieked,
and one of the women fainted. The whole village was mused;
some fled, some attacked me, until, grievously bruised by
stones and many other kinds of missile weapons, I escaped to
the open country, and fearfully took refuge in a low hovel,
quite bare, and making a wretched appearance after the palaces
I had beheld in the village. This hovel, however, joined a
cottage of a neat and pleasant appearance; but, after my late
dearly bought experience, I dared not enter it. My place of
refuge was constructed of wood, but so low that I could with
difficulty sit upright in it. No wood, however, was placed on
the earth, which formed the floor, but it was dry; and
although the wind entered it by innumerable chinks, I found it
an agreeable asylum from the snow and rain.
"Here then I retreated, and lay down happy to have found a
shelter, however miserable, from the inclemency of the season,
and still more from the barbarity of man.
"As soon as morning dawned, I crept from my kennel, that I
might view the adjacent cottage, and discover if I could remain
in the habitation I had found. It was situated against the
back of the cottage, and surrounded on the sides which were
exposed by a pig-sty and a clear pool of water. One part was
open, and by that I had crept in; but now I covered every
crevice by which I might be perceived with stones and wood, yet
in such a manner that I might move them on occasion to pass
out: all the light I enjoyed came through the sty, and that was
sufficient for me.
"Having thus arranged my dwelling, and carpeted it with clean
straw, I retired; for I saw the figure of a man at a distance,
and I remembered too well my treatment the night before to
trust myself in his power. I had first, however, provided for
my sustenance for that day, by a loaf of coarse bread, which I
purloined, and a cup with which I could drink, more
conveniently than from my hand, of the pure water which flowed
by my retreat. The floor was a little raised, so that it was
kept perfectly dry, and by its vicinity to the chimney of the
cottage it was tolerably warm.
"Being thus provided, I resolved to reside in this hovel until
something should occur which might alter my determination.
It was indeed a paradise compared to the bleak forest, my former
residence, the rain-dropping branches, and dank earth. I ate
my breakfast with pleasure, and was about to remove a plank to
procure myself a little water, when I heard a step, and
looking through a small chink, I beheld a young creature, with
a pail on her head, passing before my hovel. The girl was
young, and of gentle demeanour, unlike what I have since found
cottagers and farm-house servants to be. Yet she was meanly
dressed, a coarse blue petticoat and a linen jacket being her
only garb; her fair hair was plaited, but not adorned: she
looked patient, yet sad. I lost sight of her; and in about a
quarter of an hour she returned, bearing the pail, which was
now partly filled with milk. As she walked along, seemingly
incommoded by the burden, a young man met her, whose
countenance expressed a deeper despondence. Uttering a few
sounds with an air of melancholy, he took the pail from her
head, and bore it to the cottage himself. She followed, and
they disappeared. Presently I saw the young man again, with
some tools in his hand, cross the field behind the cottage; and
the girl was also busied, sometimes in the house, and sometimes
in the yard.
"On examining my dwelling, I found that one of the windows of
the cottage had formerly occupied a part of it, but the panes
had been filled up with wood. In one of these was a small and
almost imperceptible chink, through which the eye could just
penetrate. Through this crevice a small room was visible,
whitewashed and clean, but very bare of furniture. In one
corner, near a small fire, sat an old man, leaning his head on
his hands in a disconsolate attitude. The young girl was
occupied in arranging the cottage; but presently she took
something out of a drawer, which employed her hands, and she
sat down beside the old man, who, taking up an instrument,
began to play, and to produce sounds sweeter than the voice of
the thrush or the nightingale. It was a lovely sight, even to
me, poor wretch! who had never beheld aught beautiful before.
The silver hair and benevolent countenance of the aged cottager
won my reverence, while the gentle manners of the girl enticed
my love. He played a sweet mournful air, which I perceived
drew tears from the eyes of his amiable companion, of which the
old man took no notice, until she sobbed audibly; he than{sic}
pronounced a few sounds, and the fair creature, leaving her
work, knelt at his feet. He raised her, and smiled with such
kindness and affection that I felt sensations of a peculiar and
overpowering nature: they were a mixture of pain and pleasure,
such as I had never before experienced, either from hunger or
cold, warmth or food; and I withdrew from the window, unable to
bear these emotions.
"Soon after this the young man returned, bearing on his
shoulders a load of wood. The girl met him at the door, helped
to relieve him of his burden, and, taking some of the fuel into
the cottage, placed it on the fire; then she and the youth went
apart into a nook of the cottage and he showed her a large loaf
and a piece of cheese. She seemed pleased, and went into the
garden for some roots and plants, which she placed in water,
and then upon the fire. She afterwards continued her work,
whilst the young man went into the garden, and appeared busily
employed in digging and pulling up roots. After he had been
employed thus about an hour, the young woman joined him, and
they entered the cottage together.
"The old man had, in the meantime, been pensive; but, on the
appearance of his companions, he assumed a more cheerful air,
and they sat down to eat. The meal was quickly despatched.
The young woman was again occupied in arranging the cottage;
the old man walked before the cottage in the sun for a few
minutes, leaning on the arm of the youth. Nothing could exceed
in beauty the contrast between these two excellent creatures.
One was old, with silver hairs and a countenance beaming with
benevolence and love: the younger was slight and graceful in
his figure, and his features were moulded with the finest
symmetry; yet his eyes and attitude expressed the utmost
sadness and despondency. The old man returned to the cottage;
and the youth, with tools different from those he had used in
the morning, directed his steps across the fields.
"Night quickly shut in; but, to my extreme wonder, I found that
the cottagers had a means of prolonging light by the use of
tapers, and was delighted to find that the setting of the sun
did not put an end to the pleasure I experienced in watching my
human neighbours. In the evening, the young girl and her
companion were employed in various occupations which I did not
understand; and the old man again took up the instrument which
produced the divine sounds that had enchanted me in the morning.
So soon as he had finished, the youth began, not to play,
but to utter sounds that were monotonous, and neither
resembling the harmony of the old man's instrument nor the
songs of the birds: I since found that he read aloud, but at
that time I knew nothing of the science of words or letters.
"The family, after having been thus occupied for a short time,
extinguished their lights, and retired, as I conjectured, to rest.
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